My 30 Day Dating Diet

----My 30 Day Dating Diet Journal----

"Embrace and appreciate your woman's mind." Tony Gaskins said. The immediate thought that rushed to my mind upon hearing this was, 'I don't have a woman' accompanied by brief inquiries as to why. However, with the amount of profound knowledge that he was dropping on us I couldn't conceive the answer at that point in time. Ooooops, let me rewind so I can make this more clear. Ok, I'm currently taking a eight week mens class via conference call entitled, "For the Love of me," which is for eight weeks and held every Thursday night facilitated by Motivational Speaker/Author Tony Gaskins.

Every week we cover different topics such as self knowledge, understanding love languages, understanding women and several other things. He initially announced the sign ups for this class via twitter and he tweeted that the first ten people who email the link he posted he will sign up for free versus paying the fee for this class. I took immediate advantage of this and in short that's what brings me to sharing my decision to do a 30 Day Dating Diet.

Just last night on the conference call, as I previously mentioned he said, "Embrace and appreciate your woman's mind." After the conference call-week three of this course I took everything in and generated questions in my mind, "Why don't I have a woman?" "Am I really adament about not wanting to get married?" I used to be so gung ho about marriage when I was younger.......did bad experiences with women dominate that "love bug" (for lack of a better term) that's inside of me?" "When I attempt to date women why do I neglect to really pursue her?" "Why do I view relationships (particularly marriage) the way that I do?" Scores of questions flooded my mind and I came to the conclusion that I had a lot of internal work to do and need to adopt a new belief system in regards to this.

Granted, women can be an asset to our growth and development but because I'm so jacked up inside I can't even attract a woman to be that asset due to the fact that since I'm messed up I'm attracting messed up women as well. Needless to say I had something like an "ah-ha" moment and decided to engage in a 30 Day Dating Diet. I first got this idea by Nina Brown via her twitter page. Although I thought that's "woman stuff" it hit me like a ton a bricks that this may not actually be such a bad idea for me(n). Also with the last day of Tony Gaskins course being completed in roughly 30 days from today I figured that this is a perfect opportunity.

During this 30 Day Dating Diet I will be keeping a journal of this experience. Some disciplines I put on myself are: to liberate myself from any intimate situations with women; including text messages. No getting a woman's number in spite of how good she's looking and smelling. Also I plan to read a book (haven't decided yet) about dating/relationships. What I hope to achieve once this is all done and over with is a rejuvenated outlook towards dating, relationships and most of all that word that most of us men fear......(ready)......(brace yourself)-----> MARRIAGE. I want to also look into women's history to see the struggles that they have endured for centuries; I believe this will give me a heightened level of respect and apprecition for them. Many if not all of those why's I asked myself should be answered sufficiently. There's several other things I hope to accomplish but my chief desire is to become a better man for myself and the next woman that I have the blessing of being with.

12th Annual African American Outreach Initiative

(Male and Female condoms provided at the Conference)

Today I stepped into the Loundermilk Center located in downtown Atlanta to attend the 12th Annual African American Outreach Initiative. I went in with a preconceived notion that I would obtain a bunch of handouts from workshops I would attend. That I did, but also in some workshops we were asked to introduce ourselves. To my surprise many stated their names and added the year that they were diagnosed with the HIV Virus. No one seemed alarmed and the folks with HIV were embraced like family. The workshops that I attended were relative to emotional health. More specifically, they were, "Dealing with Stress for the Health of It: A Young Adult Perspective," and "Building Your Immune System with raw Foods, Fresh juicing, Exercise and Meditation."

The workshops were very engaging and we did various meditative breathing exercises. HIV/AIDS is inevitably a major epidemic within the African American community and I believe that we should seek to get tested to make sure that our health is up to par and those infected should act responsibly and inform their partners and stay in treatment. i am very much so looking forward to day two of this conference tomorrow and acquiring more useful information. It was imperative for me to attend this because as a current social work major and future social worker I'm certain that I will have clients living with HIV/AIDS and being educated about the disease will help me to be a more effective resource and support for them.

Moving On

Many of us find it hard to move on from a person we just ended a relationship with. Maybe we were with this person six months, a year, three years, etc. I think one of the key things that we need to remember is that there's a difference between quality and quantity. To go a step further, you'll could have been together three years but in that three years how significant was the bond? Did the person help you grow? Help you discover/step closer to your goals and life purpose? Did they bring out the best in you? Each relationship has its own questions to be answered truthfully by those involved.

From personal experience, I admit it took some time getting over one of my ex-girlfriends but I eventually discovered that it was worth moving on from her. There are so many people in the world who we will come into contact with and begin dating as we journey through life. It makes no sense to sustain focus on someone who isn't in alignment with where you want to go in life and who you're not destined to be with as a soulmate. There are many things that we can do to "get over" an ex. Some are as follows:

• Realize that it wasn't meant to be and there's no intimate compatibility.
• Pray and seek to get on track with your source of higher power.
• Accept it and learn to be by yourself, thus learning that being single can be a blessing and not a curse.
• Dig deep within and seek ways to improve who you are so that you can attract a mate who brings similar energy to the table.
• Socialize more, go out t0 your "age group based" night life spots.
• Join professional associations to advance your career which can ultimately place you among other good dating candidates.
• Depending on how severe it is seek counseling.
• Get support from those in your inner circle who will comfort you and not engage in "man/women hate" sessions but in lieu of that will maturely offer advice and support to you.
• Don't allow it to make you bitter, but better.
• Embrace being single and enjoy it while you have it.

Let me once again say that moving on isn't easy, and as previously mentioned, I myself have been guilty of "being stuck" on someone. But ask yourself this, "Is he/she even thinking about me?" While you're sitting up depressed and mad at dam near every man/woman you're coming into contact with primarily over what your ex did; that ex is probably out living their life not even stressing over you. I'm not suggesting that we should just run and jump into anything else to get over the "ex"-no not at all because you definitely need time to heal. But never be mean to a potential "next" over your "ex." Simply let the person of interest know that you just got out of something and am recuperating from it. If they truly respect you then they will respect your present condition. Besides you have to build a friendship first right? Right! Some books that I would like to recommend are:

• "Black Christian Singles Guide to Dating and Sexuality." by Chris Jackson
• "Reposition Yourself." by T.D. Jakes
• "Loose That Man & Let Him Go." by T.D. Jakes
• "The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships." by Hill Harper
• "Know Thy Self." by Na'im Akbar
• "How to Love a Black Woman." by Dr. Ronn Elmore
• "How to Love a Black Man." by Dr. Ronn Elmore
• "Up From Here: Reclaiming the Male Spirit, A Guide to Transforming Emotions into Power and Freedom." by Iyanla Vanzant
• "In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love you Want." by Iyanla Vanzant

In closing to this blog, it is worth mentioning that you can and will get over the person in due time. Shed your necessary tears, rant, get out more, go for the gusto of life and by all means GET OVER IT! God Bless.

"Life.......Is What You Make It."

"Had I chose to go that route, my worth today would be around $70 million." I still think about those words uttered by Peter Buffett (son of Billionaire Investor Warren Buffett). This past Monday I took my seat at the Ray Charles Performing Arts Center at Morehouse College to attend Peter Buffett's Concert & Conversation event. Also, as a gift, the audience was given a free copy of his book "Life is What You Make It: Find Your Own Path To FulFillment." I will admit that I was shocked that he was a Musician and not solely an investor; hmmm hence the title of his book....he found his own path.

I respect Peter for his courage becuase he could've easily lived off of his father's fortune which to date according to recent Forbes Magazine article Warren Buffett's networth is $47 Billion. In lieu of that he embarked on his own journey which began with him attending Stanford University. As he stated to us, he didn't feel a purpose there until he met a musician and the rest was history. He ultimately dropped out of college and moved to San Francisco to pursue his hidden musical talents. During the reception period upon getting my book signed, I explained to him my future goals and being a student at Clark Atlanta University studying Social Work. Afterwhile I managed to get his email address to stay in contact about things dealing with philanthropy and advocacy projects.

What I got out of this experience reinforces a quote that sounds cliche but is apparently true, "If you chase what you love, then the money will follow." The problem is many of us are unsure of what gives us fulfillment chiefly because we don't know who we are, much less our talents; forget about the unlimited potential that's embedded inside of us. So needless to say find out who you are and that will set the platform for discovering your talents, passions and true desires.

My Attendance at the Sweet Auburn Heritage Festival 2010

(Me with Atlanta Mayor Kashim Reed)

(Me with R&B singer Faith Evans)

This was my first time ever attending the annual Sweet Auburn Heritage Festival and I must say that I had a good time. It felt great to see so many African-Americans having a good time. Where I'm from (Oakland, California) you really don't see black folks come together and have a nice time w/o violence erupting. Anyways, I purchased a few items from vendors which was one of my Kwanzaa goals (support black operated businesses), enjoyed great food and live entertainment from random artists as well as known artists such as Donnell Jones and Faith Evans (pictured above with me.) I most def look forward to going again next year and enjoying the festivities!

I felt priviledged to meet Faith Evans and after the photo told her to keep staying strong. She has been through a considerable amount of drama, pain, and bulls***. Everything from losing her husband Rapper Notorious BIG to having the media rub dirt on her name. Yet through it all she rose above it and is strivin and thrivin! I also had an opportunity to meet Donnell Jones and will be staying connected with his promoter who has already invited me to a bunch of events on VIP status. Lastly, meeting the Mayor of Atlanta Kashim Reed (pictured above with me) was an honor. I really like his push for change, focus on youth and policy implementation.

On a Mission to Find My Family

Today after contacting the Social Security Office in Savannah, GA I began to feel hopeless. The lady made it appear as if it would be impossible to track my mother's information in spite of the fact that I had her social security number and other supporting documents proving I was her child. You see my mother was adopted in Savannah, GA and took on her adopted mom's last name. Thus it is going to be difficult trying to find my mother's side of the family meaning her brothers, sisters, cousins, etc. because I don't know her original last name. So I will be going down there soon to go to the social security office, hospital where she was born and other vital places.

It is imperative that I find my biological family because I need to know who they are. It sucks that the foster care system did absolutely nada to help me locate them knowing that this would be a critical aspect in my life. I don't even want anything from my family but just to know who they are and to bond with them. Sometimes its painful to see other people able to go visit an aunt, cousin, etc yet I don't really have that. Periodically I wonder if that was God's will for me to not be associated with family. Or was ita test to see how determined I am and to inspire many with the family "search and find" story I will share one day. Whatever the case I am ready and willing to embark on this journey documenting each and every step of the way. Today I shedded tears after getting off the phone with the Social Security office because it hurts that I don't really have a family. At times I feel so alone in the world but God has planted in me a never-give-up mentality. After foster care I faced seemingly insurmountable challenges. I recall being homeless, hungry foster parents seeing me and failing to aid me; yet I just couldn't give up.

When I finally do get a chance to meet my family I won't share what I have been through unless otherwise asked. I just want to embrace them with warm love that I have in my heart for them. I can imagine that this will somewhat be like an Antwone Fisher story.

Reflections On Being Mentored by World Renowned Motivational Speaker Les Brown

In a recent book entitled, "Meeting Les Brown, Ms. Mamie Brown's Baby Boy"that I was featured in as a contributing author I explained how I was first introduced to the quotes of Les Brown. To make a long story short when I first read his book, "Live your dreams," I was 17 years old and incarcerated inside of the California Youth Authority at O.H. Close Youth Correctional Facility. I was moved by the content of his messege primarily because here was a positive black man one who came out of the foster care system just like me. Fast forward about eight years later I had the pleasure of meeting of him at a breakfast by my other mentor who is one of his platinum speakers and has traveled internationally with Les. When I was formally introduced to him, he stood up from the head of the table and we shook hands. After getting aquainted and later meeting in his hotel suite he gave me his contact information and he told me that he wanted to keep in touch.

I saw him again the following month in Atlanta at the 8th annual FraserNet PowerNetworking Conference. He grabbed me and said, "Brother we going to do big things." It wasn't until recently that I explained to him what I was attempting to do in life and asked for his mentorship. He gladly accepted and is willing to work with my budget for his workshops on public speaking and leadership. I share this story because as a youth in foster care I felt hopeless and none of my foster dad's could really relate to me or feel my pain. There are so many things that Les Brown can relate to me on and I am truly thankful for his significant guidance in my life.